It seems like yesterday that this cloud consumed my life, this cloak of darkness consumed my soul like a dark veil that grew heavier over time.
Never have I imagined it could happen to me I was the shining light, the beacon of hope to many. I survived the most darkest time any teenage could imagine, when the medical profession said I won’t live to see 16 but yes I survived way past that age. Everyone saw me as a fighter, but I had one secret; all the laughter and smiles where just a smoke screen I become consumed with anger. Why did I loose my teenage ages to illness? who do these people think they are to see me as a fighter? if only they knew my pain!
Everyday I became bitter at something, I carried this pain into many relationships and my career. Before I knew it this darkest took away the laughter and the shining glow that was within me. The dark voices of doubt, fear, depression and anger was consuming me, the constant battle to break free was raging on in my mind.
It took over a better part of my adult life and the process to add to this and cast more darkness over my life I lost contact with the one person who brought back the light in my life (my daughter). Through this darkness I could not see what I was doing because clearly it was not my fault, the excuses grew the battle continued.
Then one day as if struck by a slap in the face I heard her voice saying “I love daddy” immediately I knew to rebuild my relationship I need to break down the darkness. I went down on my knees and cried out “Father help me I need you!” What a great feeling that was to break free once again.
Each day I worked on one area of my life, asked forgiveness from myself and then to those I remember I hurt. Thanks to those who are close to me light light started shining through my soul again.
We all are consumed with darkness at times some hide it better than others, but we should continue fighting and hold on the the one beacon that can save you. I am lucky I have a few good friends and a very strong willed sister that snapped me back to reality.
Don’t let the darkness consume you ~ Keep believing that for someone out there you are a shining light.