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Know For Yourself – Find Your Own Truth

Finding Your Own Truth Blog

With the continuous change happening all around us we need to start evolving away from our current thinking and discovering new boundaries and thinking about our lives and society.

My blog posts is to  allow this change to be constant, true and for yourself. The blog is personal and the changes or topics are what I’ve personally experienced and not just random facts taken from the web, although there will be researched topics to assist you on your daily life.

We live in a world that is governed by social beliefs and structures, if you do not conform or breakaway from the norm we get shunned and ridiculed by our friends, family and society.

Finding Your Own Truth is about discovering your own identity, breaking that inner blockage and mastering your own universe.

A wise man once said the purpose of the herd is to keep you in the herd. Finding Your Own Truth is about breaking away from the herd. The best gift you can give to yourself is the gift of your own identity, been true to who you are and mastering your own universe.

As this inner change happens, you will discover that your community and what you previously persevered as a way of life will also change. The changes around your own life will be constant, you will notice and discover whats been holding you back and further discover how we are our own enemy and the one that’s holding you back in life.

The Benefits of Finding Your Own Truth:

  • Your self confidence increase: Your previous self perception you had of yourself will start fading as you discover new ways to increase your your social status and confidence.
  • Build Better Relationships: Not only will you be able to build on your personal relationships you will also be able to formulate new and lasting business connection. No one wants to be that guy; the one that walks in a room and everyone goes quite because you have a negative outlook on life.
  • Your Health increase: Because you will be discovering ways to handle everyday stress your mind and body will thank you.

The list of benefits are endless these are just a few. I hope this journey of self discovery will be fulling for you as it has been and continuously still is for me.

Thank you for taking the time to read my first blog.

Know For Yourself – Find Your Own Truth

 

 

Featured post

Death Be Not Proud

Death be not proud by John Dunne has always been one of my favorite sonnets and carries a very personal meaning to me.

Now usually I don’t share my story because most people think I’m making up these event but  I got no reason to make this up just to write a blog. Also a little encouragement from a fellow blogger brought me to share it to the community.

My story and escape from death start at birth (although this has been told to me) born in fetal distress I was rushed to the incubator tent to be resuscitated and then at 6 months old when I died and by some miracle and some ancient old wife’s ritual (apparently an elderly neighbor slaughtered a turtle dove and placed the dying bird on my chest until his life was drained and mine was regained) brought back to life when I spent the better part of a year in hospital.

But that was not the last time death visited me, at age 14 I contracted what was a mystery disease which left me loosing loads of weight, extreme abdominal pain every day (ladies I understand your pains) for four years. I found refuge in the comfort of church and the Lord I knew there had to be a reason for me going through everything I was going through. I saw the fear in my family’s eyes of not knowing when I will be taken away from them. What made it worse a idiot doctor proclaimed to his colleague not knowing I understood their jargon that he can’t see me living till my 16th birthday, the nursing staff at the hospital my mom was employed also at times thought I was only seeking attention, which resulted in one nearly receiving a slap from both my mother and a doctor.

I survived past 16 but when I just completing my grade 12 exam and no longer regarded as a minor I went to my doctor and telling him I don’t care what happens I want a operation. Eventually the diagnoses was a range of intestinal ailments. By then I was also consuming 16 various meds 3 times a day ( I was popping pills as if they were smarties.)

I will never forget that day 9 March 1992 I weighed 22 kg was only flesh and bone, my dad was my blood donor and all my blood counts reflected I should have been dead, just to give you a reflection my full blood count was 1 and for those in the know will understand how low this was a normal person should have a count of 10 minimum but that count is not healthy either. Finally the time arrive 07:42, I looked at my parents and aunts who came to support me and said see you on the flip side also I said no matter happens thanks for everything and I love you guys.

The procedure was meant to last just over 5 hours. I woke up 9 hours later in the most horrific pain and my arms filled with holes looking like a junky and the drip in the only vein the medical team could find in my neck. The doc came into the room and said to me we lost you for awhile glad you came back. His account of the events to me was that just 1 hour into the surgery I completely flat-lined and they tried for close to 10 minutes to revive me and he would not stop trying and did not know how to tell my parents that after 5 years he and I lost my journey  when suddenly just as he was about to switch off the monitors I grabbed out with my right hand and with a smile on my face was holding someones hand.

During my 15 minutes away I remember looking back and getting out of my body and walking with a man glowing with wings we passed through a forest were I could hear people pleading and asked him if this was hell and if he’s taking me there he smiled down at me and said no this is the place where you get cleansed before heaven (for Catholics and other Christians purgatory) he further told me you get a one way ticket to hell there’s no passing although for some souls in purgatory there’s no redemption, I saw people of all walks of life, a lot of religious people as well. Finally our journey was complete we passed these stunning gates shining bright the smell of the most stunning aroma, which I sometimes get a whiff of when I’m really lonely, and laughter everywhere. We walked and talked and he explained that all through my life he was assigned to be with me and the times I died as an infant it was his duty to give the people the knowledge of what to do to save me. I can’t remember his name. We met a friend of mine who lost her battle to leukemia and other people I knew I asked if my gran mother was there he answered it was not his duty to inform me of that. Eventually after spending what felt like a lifetime exploring my new home we came to a castle, As I entered I was greeted by the archangels and saints and a magnitude of people so much I could lost count. I felt at home more importantly I was glad the pain was gone.

Finally after walking through this great hall and enjoying the music I came to my destination The Throne on either side was a smaller throne seated at the right hand as described in all bible stories was Christ our redeemer and His Holy mother. I got welcomed with a warm embrace by all of them. We spoke for awhile Our Father telling me how I was chosen to be His light on the earth I remember asking but why He allowed me to get so severely ill and loose my teenage years, He smiled and told me because He knew I would not give up and will not do so ever. Surprised I asked why did He mention ever when the pain is gone and I’m in heaven. I got told “because my son your job is not complete” we spoke for awhile longer and was given my task to complete (sadly because of my life choices and fear to tell this story before I can’t remember my task). My angel  and someone else was called and told to guide me back, like a flash I woke up.

My miracle does not end there the evening while sleeping I heard the nursing staff rush into the room and asking why all the lights where on, one patient an elderly dying man told the nurses that the lights are coming from my bed and it was caused by the four men and the lady in blue who are standing around my bed. I wore a Rosary around my neck which my aunt received as a gift from Mother Theresa and also had a luminous statue of Our Holy Mother at my bed side, both was glowing so bright it laminated the entire ward.

The next day the old man and other patient started receiving a full recovery sadly the third passed on but to a better place. My stay in hospital which usually last 3 weeks was all but 6 days.

I should add although the book of life do exists we not immediately judged on entry, we are our own judges and how we live our lives in accordance to our spiritual teachings that determines where we end up. The book of life records our entry an exit on earth and records how we live our lives, but everyone before death have a final chance to redeem ourselves and yes a few days or moments before we die we already know.

I recently was told by someone that the person who accompanied me back and was hold my hand was my gran and one of the men standing around my bed was the archangel Gabriel.

Death has clearly not been mighty and triumphant over me, one day yes our paths shall cross again and then at that time my time on earth shall be done. For now I will work towards changing the lives of those I meet and giving courage and hope to those who need it most. God has a plan for all of us. You are worth it in His eyes. You might be going through pain right now just call out and He will give you comfort.

I so wish I can recall my life’s mission because I feel lost and misguided but I know during my healing and find finding my own truth I will discover it again.

Breaking the chains holding me back

 

As I unpack my suitcase of my life’s journey I realized mine is empty, my soul has been draining and as i walked my path. The load has become heavy but my vessel has been emptied. Where have I lost me, why am I so lonely yet I’m surrounded by people.

I sat down in dispare and cried out to the universe for answers, what has happened why is this so hard why can’t i move forward and why am I so empty?

Then just like a whisper the voices in my head answered (well not quite voices but a text message from someone) let go of the past, why are you holding on to your hurt? My reply was simple but I forgave those that hurt me, I took responsibility for what I have done. Her reply was no you haven’t let go. You living a life of hurt and pain filled with guilt.

Then after our conversation I looked back and saw parts of me in every painful life journey holding on to what was good, sadden by the fact I tried but things never worked out, filled with guilt because I was set on a life journey and I strayed from the path and got lost along the way.

I cant go back and pick up the pieces but I can break the mental chains I’ve placed around my life and my life will become hole again. As I break each chain the load become less I feel those gaps filling up and yes the scare is there the healing will be greater.

We all carry various baggage around and mentally tie ourselves down to our past. Just as the advice given to me today I tell you as you journey on your path, forgive yourself and release yourself the chains will break and the road ahead will become easier.

My life journey is taking a different turn, I’m sharing parts of life I’ve kept to myself although not everything. but as we journey together we will grow to know each other and we all will find our own truth.

Journey

You over stayed your welcome

Welcome into my life and it’s great to have made your acquaintance. Stay for awhile or a life time. I will be honored to have you in my life and I hope I can be a great positive influence in your life or you in mine.

That’s how with all good intentions subconsciously we meet certain people in our lives, everyone that part of your life is there because of an invitation we have sent out to them to enter our lives. Just as we invite people into our homes some are welcomed and some are merely an inconvenience and there on others request. So we are not rude or do not want to be that person by showing them we do not want them there.

Over my life I allowed many guest into my world some over stayed their welcome , which I must point out I allowed because lets be real we allow people into our lives we have the choice to ask them to leave or just not invite them in in the first place. However over the years these unwanted guest have taught me a lesson and that no matter who enters your life, those people are there to serve a particular purpose and role in our lives. Before the where unwanted they brought some joy or relief to a situation at the moment we invited them in.

So before you tell people to leave, who have over stayed their welcome, do a audit of your life and clear out all the unwanted guest, it will be the most liberating event you can do for yourself. Know your own truth.

Guest

Know For Yourself

What are the truths we all live by, are they yours are they mine or are the just words we start living by because someone told you it should be so.

Over the constant change of our lives we beginning to star believing certain concepts, religious, political or even social beliefs. We get drawn into the idea that the way we living, the area we living in is what the truth is all about. We become so absorbed in our little worlds we loose our identities. Take a step out of your comfort zone and ask who am I and is this the life I want to live.

I might sound crazy right now but we all live in a false belief that we are living our own lives, but in reality we haven’t formed our own identities until we move away from what we are used to and start finding our own truths.

False

A letter to my daughter.

My dearest Angel; I’m writing you letter to explain why I was so distant. I know its not an in-depth explanation but I know you will understand the words.

No words can fill the void that has been created, nothing I do right now will take away the pain of not spending time together. Its been close to four years that we last had a daddy – daughter day, and it feels like forever since I’ve heard your voice, even though it was just a few weeks ago we spoke on your birthday.

I don’t usually regret things I do however this time I do regret the day I allowed your mother to take control over my life when she stopped me from seen you regularly. Although she moved on with her life I chose not to, because I didn’t want to  you see me with another women, your young mind could not be hurt so much as it already was. I know you hurting that we are apart because every thought of us not bonding hurts me. I regret the day I allowed that to consume me, I regret not making an extra effort back then.

I moved away because I thought it will make things easier or change her hate towards me but it still it made no difference, even after my return and apologizing for what I did or do not do it made no difference. In her eyes I’m  in the wrong and yes there are moments I was but us not been a complete family was not my choice.

At least when I was 1250 km away we spoke regularly but now the phone don’t get answered and when it do I usually receive a text message filled with insults and ridicule. When asked if I can just spend one day with you the answer is no.

I pray that one day soon we will be connect again and spend precious moments together, but today I’m writing you this letter to let you know that no matter what happens I will always and have always loved you.

Love Dad:

So many dads out there feel the exact same today and yes moms there are many that just don’t care. To the dads out there I encourage you not to do what i done and remain quite because I lost precious moments I only got the past to cherish and yes she’s only 10 but, but it’s 4 yrs out of the 10 I lost that over 1460 days of memories and moments I lost because of my ego.

Find the truth behind every situation and find out how you can do different. To the dads that are in their kids lives but to busy with work and other commitments, take some time out and appreciate your kids. Life can’t be holding you that busy and if it’s work taking you away from your family, the answer is simple CHANGE YOUR OCCUPATION, no boss is worth living with a life feeling like a stranger in your children’s eyes.

Mothers if the dad is making an effort to change cut him some slack.

Have a blessed day everyone.

Escaping the darkness

It seems like yesterday that this cloud consumed my life, this cloak of darkness consumed my soul like a dark veil that grew heavier over time.

Never have I  imagined it could happen to me I was the shining light, the beacon of hope to many. I survived the most darkest time any teenage could imagine, when the medical profession said I won’t live to see 16 but yes I survived way past that age. Everyone saw me as a fighter, but I had one secret; all the laughter and smiles where just a smoke screen I  become consumed with anger. Why did I loose my teenage ages to illness? who do these people think they are to see me as a fighter? if only they knew my pain!

Everyday I became bitter at something, I carried this pain into many relationships and my career. Before I knew it this darkest took away the laughter and the shining glow that was within me. The dark voices of doubt, fear, depression and anger was consuming me, the constant battle to break free was raging on in my mind.

It took over a better part of my adult life and the process to add to this and cast more darkness over my life I lost contact with the one person who brought back the light in my life (my daughter). Through this darkness I could not see what I was doing because clearly it was not my fault, the excuses grew the battle continued.

Then one day as if struck by a slap in the face I heard her voice saying “I love daddy” immediately I knew to rebuild my relationship I need to break down the darkness. I went down on my knees and cried out “Father help me I need you!” What a great feeling that was to break free once again.

Each day I worked on one area of my life, asked forgiveness from myself and then to those I remember I hurt. Thanks to those who are close to me light light started shining through my soul again.

We all are consumed with darkness at times some hide it better than others, but we should continue fighting and hold on the the one beacon that can save you. I am lucky I have a few good friends and a very strong willed sister that snapped me back to reality.

Don’t let the darkness consume you ~ Keep believing that for someone out there you are a shining light.

Darkness

The Spice of Life

It took me a few months before starting to date again but I figured it was about time I give it ago. What can go wrong we hit it off a few times and had great conversations. So I was set for this evening.

Everything was set I purchased all the correct ingredients, even got the wine to be at the perfect room temperature and remembered what kind she enjoy best. Now to start with the main course.

Everything went perfect until I tasted the dish, to my horror I had a touch to much of one of the spices and immediately went into a bit of a panic, “How can I spoil chicken curry?” I asked myself. No time for a recovery and just as I thought it could not get any worse, the intercom rang she was here. I sank in horror was it that time already nope she was early I should’ve know because she’s always punctual one of the character traits I love of her. Slowly I open the door and as we embrace she says “that smell great” and me with humour responds “well at least I got the smell right”. She rolls up her selves and take a few spices from the rack and just like that it brings about a totally different aroma and flavour. evening saved. The relationship well we decided to become friends and still on occasion tell the story of how two people can save a pot of curry.

That’s how life is full of surprises and throughout my life I have met various people who either complimented me perfectly or just spoiled everything.

We meet different people with different flavors but they all add to this wonderful concept called life. At times you just need the correct ingredients and other times you nearly spoil everything you build over a period of time but adjustments can be made and everything will work out perfectly.

Choose everyone you want in your life correctly and you will be set for a close to perfect life.

Layers ~ A reflection of Life

As I look across the rooms of my life I see layers of baggage brought about from the past. The load just seem too much to carry and as I walk closer I see them labelled; with dates, time and events. All neatly categorized in the comforts of my mind.

These are the moments when I broke down or thought life was just too much to carry on. There are also those moments of great joy and success, but these are so far down the fear kicks in that make me realize that if I do not start removing the heavy burdens I’ve place on myself they will be lost forever. How could I’ve allowed this to happen? And why did I allow myself to be burdened with every day’s events?

I slow start from the top of the pile in the category of lost love; working through each painful memory I realized this is the reason why I’ve lost my confidence in starting relationships. Then all those memories, the hurt the pain all swoop back into my mind how could this have happened to me I ask myself. How can I release myself from the pain slowly I release that if I do not release myself the bad moments I can’t move on with my life. As much as it hurts me I unpack the layers of hurt and discard it forever, forgiving the individuals that caused the pain more importantly myself. The mental box gets empty and the category automatically changes to moments spent in love. When we release ourselves from the pain caused in our lives the layers of baggage we carry around becomes less.

So slowly I move through each layer of my life and clear the space in my mind for easier and better memories of each event in my life. The baggage was not so difficult to get rid of.

We all carry around different layers of baggage as well as fond memories; it’s all up to you of which layer you want to carry around for the rest of your life.

Layers

The Pictures of Your Life

They say a picture say a thousand words. Just as a picture capture every moment of our lives so can we capture moments in our lives through our souls. Every thought, smell or emotional journey is captured by our mind.

Just as modern day photography can be edited , photo-shopped and even deleted our thoughts memories and even most fearsome moments can be erased by a simple gesture or turn of events.

I find myself everyday looking back at the hurt and pain I experienced and compare it to what I have experienced.

The hurt I occurred was sometimes of my own doing. I allowed those events to take place, but at the moment of anger I blamed someone else. That was such a good relief to put the blame on someone else but how could I blame the same person when I experienced the same event again. I had to take that photo out again and re-look at it in every detail. To my surprise I saw the entire story replay over gain, the anger came back and the event was as if it just occurred. My mind was filled with every scenario that could have triggered the pain and still I tried blaming the other person. Until I done something remarkable; I stepped out the frame and saw it through a different lens.

That moment I started changing the events that took place I realised I was just as to blame as the person I accused. I started taking responsibility and slowly amended each part of my life and the healing started. The pain disappeared and the burden became lighter. Yes the pain is still there at times but everyday is a step closer to becoming whole again.

I no longer see the person as the cause of my pain but the liberator of my soul.

Take every moment of your life and just like me once you analyse the picture you will find that the truth will be revealed. Accept the responsibility of your actions and release the other party. Start a daily routine of asking forgiveness of yourself and those that offended you. There is a old saying “never go sleep angry” which is so true as the burden will continue and in time hurt you so much that your life picture wont be able to be amended.

Create the pictures of your life that you will cherish without any editing required.

Know For Yourself – Find Your Own Truth

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